I've taken both parts of my CaSHEE test. I'm worried that I might not even pass, but I am hoping to pass. God, please make me pass. PLEEEEEEEEASE maaaake me pass the test...

I have to admit, it was really easy but I don't know if I screwed up on most parts... But, I just hope not to screw up a lot on the math section. I really don't like math at all, but I am hoping to pass it with a good grade. If I don't pass, depression is lurking around my head... But I hope it won't have to come around and gobble up my mind once again. I don't like being called a failure, it just... doesn't make me feel right... I am not a complete failure, never. But being called a failure, to me, is like I am just retarded. I'm not meant to be around? I'm not meant to be attending school, even though I really am trying? I don't like it when my mom would always tell me that I am very retarded, stupid, failure, etc. To me, it feels like my mom doesn't really think I'm smart. I just think it's wrong for my mom to call me names like that because:

1) What does she expect me to do now that she's calling me names?
2) Calling me names can actually make me do better? Nope, not even close.
3) Expect that yelling can actually help me? Or how about threat? Can threatening really help make me study more? Or is it just gonna keep on scaring me and actually think my mom, my dad, my family, etc... would abandon me just because I'm so stupid?
4) Telling and doing something is two different meanings? Lighten up, telling is more like forcing. I hate it when people tells me something and forces me to do it, as if it was a command. I don't like being commanded by my family, I feel like they're controlling my life. I know they just want me to become a better person, but commanding me to do something they want me to do under their hands? It won't help me a bit. Doing something when asked is a lot different. Asking seems more like a polite thing to do, other than TELLING me to do something. I don't like being forced, but questioning if I do something is more... well, how can I say this... I dunno. Dunno how to say it.

I don't like the fact that sometimes there's some people out there who you love so dearly can be very unsupported towards you. Take parents for example, they expect you to get good grade, don't do anything stupid, listen, etc. And sometimes when you just do one tiny mistake, say that your grades are low or you're just doing something wrong that they think is wrong for you... They start blabbering at you, expecting you to get better grades or "else". I hate it, I really do. I'm sick and tired of having my parents doing this to me, I feel that they're threatening me to do better which I think is wrong because... Who would ever threaten a kid and expect him/her to do better? It's just wrong to have cruel negative comments about your poor habit in school. We all learn from our mistakes, we all do. Although there are some people who just don't give a shit about themselves, or maybe about others, or maybe their life... whatever. Maybe some day they'll learn how to change themselves around just like all other people who learns from their mistakes.

Ooook, enough talk about what's lurking around in my mind. Spring is coming, isn't that nice? The weather is nice and warmer, time for me to go outside for a good afternoon jog eh? But, sometimes when I just think everything is all perfect, I hope you guys have been noticing that there's pink slips coming around in all the schools (I'm referring to the US thanks). Yes, our economy has gone wild, unemployment rate is dropping severely, a lot of people losing their homes, etc. Although that isn't the only problem around, schooling is another problem. I don't wish to see my school close down, making me attend to another BIG school which will then separate me and my friends I have right now. I don't really want that, but our economy is so bad and California's budget is coming down to a bad turn. I might not even get a damn job for the rest of my 2-5 years if I really want to get into college but at this rate it'll take a LOOOOOOOONG time to kick up our economy again. I just hope things will come to a good resolution sometime soon. My world has gone wild, and I don't want it to become MORE wild... Um, wild like you know, a jungle wild thing.

School is ending within 3 more months, but there's still many days for me to study and get things done as soon as I can. No time to lose folks.

Edit:
Today during English class, we had a very interesting discussion about those so called "People who don't care about their education" stuff. So, we started off from talking about mixing a school full of smart people with another school full of retards who don't give a shit, or just don't wanna learn anything at all. And my teacher asked us, "Do you think it's all right to have a group of smart people mixing in with the stupid people?" To me, personally, it's pretty dumb. I know there's a lot of people who's very motivated to work and show their effort, and most others who don't give a shit about what they learn and all they wanna do is sit back and chill with their life without any education. But having a mix of students who are smart and dumb? I just think the dumb people won't even change at all. I mean, yeah sure... Smart kids are super smart and teachers favored their "smart" kids more than the dumb kids in the class. Dumb kids, as I refer to, are those jerks who pokes fun at people, bully, say crap to one another, start a trouble, etc... I mean dumb kids don't really give a shit again. Think about it, they think they're very tough. Nope, not even close. Sometimes, I just wish that schools now can just accept students who WANTS to learn, instead of having students who are so stupid and complain saying, "FUCK THIS SHIT, I'D RATHER GO HOME." From that point, I just wanna go up to that person's face and say, "Shut the fuck up, you don't have to be here if you wanna learn. No one gives a shit about you and your fucking life you cunt. If you wanna get the fuck out, go ahead and we don't fucking care what you do because what you do is your own shit. You don't have to be here, just get the fuck out and leave the damn school." Yeah I know, pretty cruel but, people who wants to become a fucking dick and complain that they don't wanna be in school to learn and shit, they don't have to be there. They can just step out and leave, instead of complaining and saying all that buncha shit, beeeeecause I'm SURE that their family and friends also don't give a shit about education as well. I'd rather stay in a school full of students who wants to learn and have fun with everyone else, other than having a buncha duckheads who don't give a shit about what they learn and complain about how much they hate school. Honestly, I just think it's stupid to find people who don't like to be educated. Instead they'd rather be out there in the world, clueless, stupid, smoking a cig with their "shitty" friends out in front of a store, etc. Animals is what I call them. Hey, I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but I just find most of those who don't care about what they do... They're animals, wild animals that just wanna run around and do the same thing everyday. Sorry, I don't like people who hates to be educated and think they can live off without it. It's stupid.


Ok, enough talk about that. I hate the street where I'm living. It's somewhat similar to my GIGANTIC paragraph from above, I live in the so called "ghetto" neighborhood full of Hispanics and Blacks. Lol, I'm telling you now, that is just one bad combination. I'm azn, yes, and having to live in a street full of cunts like them? I honestly hate my street, I sometimes dare myself to kill them all someday but something would always hold me back. Of course, I do wanna make them look like a fool some way but I would make my family look bad. Honestly, I hate cunts who messes with others. Especially me, I hate being messed around with assholes around my area. They think that I'm too scared to do something to gett'em back but honestly I'm not. I would gett'em back, anytime and any day. I have my own ways, but my family on the other hand would always hold me back because I don't want them to worry and make them all look bad because of me. I just wish all those stupid people can all live in one community, aka the TARDNESS. Eventually they'll all kill themselves from mass murder stuff, which is pretty... eh, I'll shut up from there.

(I'm terribly sorry if I offended any of you guys. I don't like being racist but I hate assholes who just gets on my nerves a lot)